Someday, you'll wish you had made time for me...

Someday, you'll wish you had made time for me

You'll long for that comfort of being known and understood

Of being accepted and loved unconditionally and sensing it with you everywhere you go

You'll wish you could plug right in and feel it

And you'll remember all those times I invited you, reached out to you, tried to connect with you

But you were too busy for me

Someday, you'll need me

And I'll still be here and waiting

But it won't be like you've known me all along

You won't get that instant relief and comfort you'll be so desperately looking for

You'll have to grow to trust me

And it will take time

Eventually you will find in me what you're seeking, that deep love and understanding 

But you will endure pain in the meanwhile that you didn't have to 

Because you never got to know me when I called out to you

Yes, someday, you will wish you had taken the time to get to know me before...

Before your world changed, before it collapsed, before the heartache and pain set in, before the grieving and mourning in your soul...

Just know, when that day comes, I will be here as I've always been

Loving you, watching, waiting...

With open arms, open heart...

Yes,  I will be here when you're ready. 

---

I wrote this thinking of someone I love so desperately that I genuinely ache to connect with because I know how needful it is... And as I'm writing in my head, I am blessed, so blessed, to realize...  This is just how God feels about each and every one of us.  All the time.  As He constantly sends out invitations to come closer & we rush from one to-do to another...

I am so humbly grateful for this gift of godly insight He has bestowed on me.  Truly His wisdom and understanding are among the most tremendous gifts He's ever given me.  And as I'm faithful with it, He lavishes it on me all the more.  How much more full can my heart possibly be?

Thankful in this moment on our Thanksgiving Eve for Him walking me this hard place so I could see this situation from His perspective...  A heart hard pressed for the love of another...

© K. Michelle Payne 2015

[about this blog]

Love Psalm for My Savior

Thankful for all of who He is... So grateful I just cannot contain - I am filled with praise welling up from deep within... Adoring, my soul worships Him - my God, my Jesus...  my One source of true, real, unconditional, holy love... The <best> love I have ever or ever will know... Matchless & unfailing... Faithful and enduring...

I am blessed beyond measure to be always cherished, chosen, treasured as precious... Beloved daughter of the Most High King.  I have been crowned with honor.  His grace and love adorn me.  I am clothed with dignity, and my beauty comes from His light shining brightly from within.  I am His.  I have been spoken for. and will always belong to my Jesus - blessed Lover of my soul.  Who never lets go, never disappoints, who is always with me and for me.  

I delight in the One whom my soul loves. 

My Beloved is mine and I am His forever!

Nothing can separate us - no thing in life, no storm in my mind.  His love covers me wherever I go.  His light washes over and radiates from within me as I spend time with Him. His grace sustains me, and His truth heals and makes me whole.  His mercies never fail and are new to me each day.  He is ever with me... And as I come to seek Him, I find Him all the more.  

He never withholds Himself from me, but pours out all He is into me and gives every good thing He knows I need. 

He is my Love.  My precious Savior and my Lord of all, supreme over everything. 

He is my blessed Jesus.

I am in awe of His wonder and glory.  I praise Him, how He loves me so... Always has, always will - never lets me go.  

"Jesus, Jesus, Jesus - sweetest name I know..."  It's true He meets every need, every longing is filled and every answer found in Him.  I draw myself in, hiding my heart away in Him, and He keeps my heart filled with song as I go. ❤️

----

I hope you'll take a minute to listen to Fancesca Battitstelli's "So Long" - it mirrors how embracing Jesus as the love of my life has really changed everything...

http://youtu.be/53RTmgHYQIM

---

Until next time, you are loved!!!  So loved!!!  Remember and hold on to that!! ❤️


© K. Michelle Payne 2015

[about this blog]

Messengers of Grace

I began praying today without pencil and paper.. Nothing between God and myself...  I was laying myself down, including the cares I was carrying for others, and thanking God for not being some far away and unconcerned deity...  Not ever being unavailable, but always wanting to hear from me even though He already knows every thought..  As I was praying I came to thank Him for two lessons He has taught me that i know are invaluable as part of this building me up for ministry.  I asked He help me never forget... 

"Lord, help me always remember that I don't know everything, and it's not my job to convict.  Those are two of the greatest lessons You've ever taught me & they are critical in allowing me to act and function as a messenger of grace. Keep me humble before You as I serve that I may do so in all love and with a gracious spirit. You alone are holy and righteous above all & my righteousness only comes from You.  Let me never forget..."

I share this part of my prayer just to point out that as Christians, we are all called to minister to others.  Wherever we are planted, that is our ministry field.  But it is crucial we serve with a humble heart.  Knowing our own righteousness only comes from God & without Him we are nothing but flaws.  And keeping keenly aware that we do not know everything - not all of God's will, not the fullness of all that is going on and what has transpired in the life of the person to whom we're witnessing... We must be ever mindful our understanding is limited because we cannot see the whole picture.  

It's also needful to recognize our job is to share the truth in compassion and love.  Not to convict or convince.  We are called to be seed planters.  Seed tenders.  We are not called to force the fruit to bear.  It is the Spirit's work to convict the heart.  It's is God who does the working within the soul of another to bring the truth to full fruition.  We impart - He nurtures and grows.  We share - He sees it through. 

It's important to remember these things as we serve so we don't fall into the traps of critical condemnation and judgment.   So we are not pushing others away from God as we try to show them Jesus.  It's also important so we do not grow ever more weary in frustration and disappointment, losing heart and giving up in our doing good for His sake.  

We must accept and even embrace that we do not always get to see the results of our seed planting.  But determine to be faithful and trust that as we do our part, God will do His.  It is not helpful to us or to the people we are trying to minister to when we try to take on a bigger role than we ought.  Only God is God.  We are His messengers.  

Be diligent. Stay faithful in your planting.  Your Father sees all.  Remember even if you do not get to see the end result here on earth, you are doing your part and your treasures are being laid up in heaven.  

Until next time,

Love deeply, laugh often, and be blessed!

© K. Michelle Payne 2015

[about this blog]

A Brief Note on the Battlefield of the Mind

I made this a while back, and I thought it was worth sharing here... Note, this is my version of a graphic that I saw somewhere else... I'd give credit where due, but I have no memory of where I first saw this...

It's important to know we don't have to listen to every little thing that comes into our heads; we don't have to go down every rabbit trail that pops up... and we shouldn't!! It is truly needful to guard our hearts and minds in Christ as we are advised...

I pray ever more for the ability to discern when I am being led by God (what He's telling me aligns with the Word and wherein I have a true sense of peace) and when I am being manipulated by the enemy... Bearing in mind the deceiver is sometimes ever so subtle in his whisperings and misleadings... Do not be mistaken, the devil is not always in some great rush to twist any of us into knots and derail our spiritual walks... 

THIS is the battlefield of the mind...

And it plays out in each of us day by day...

We should keep keenly aware and alert, thinking actively, filtering and constantly processing what we allow into our minds and hearts, always casting aside any thought or imagination that sets itself up against God... It does not come naturally, but we have this ability by the Spirit living within us.. and it is an imperative practice if we desire to live our best lives in victory as God has always intended for us.

Like I said, brief... I'll come back and add scripture references another time... Be blessed. 

Text of this blog © K. Michelle Payne 2015

[about this blog]

Considering the idea of marriage...

This is the outflow of my heart from reading this morning in Genesis 2 about the establishment of marriage as first recorded between Adam and Eve, who were created and designed specifically for and as love gifts to one another...

Lord, I know that You are preparing me in so many ways - for my calling & the rest of my life. I know, too, You are prepping my heart for this sacred union of marriage. I want to take a minute today to pray specifically not just for myself to be open and moving in cooperation with this good work You're doing in me, but also for the man You have chosen and are preparing for me.

I pray You will draw him near to You and help him to embrace You as his ultimate priority - that ...he would cast off this world in pursuit of You and Your presence in his daily life. I pray You would encourage him to remain faithful and diligent to do the good work You've called him to & remind him that his work will be rewarded in You. 

I pray You would refine us both by the means You need in order to produce true godly character and bring out an ever growing desire in each of us to come after You more. That as we each continue on the paths You have set before us, we would be united in faith in Your time, by Your leading. That we would both be totally dedicated to You, and we would neither waver nor wander so we may both hear clearly when You whisper to our hearts, "Look up and see the one I have chosen for you."

Guide our courtship and protect us not just from this world, but guard us also from our own desires so we may remain reserved in purity by Your grace until the blessed day we are united in marriage under God.

Lord, be our Leader. Wherever he is, this man You are making ready for me, uphold him by Your mighty right hand. Please remind him in whispers to his heart You are preparing someone for him also that he can pray for me.

All the while, Lord, continue to sustain me now and forever in my pursuit of You as the one true Lover of my soul.

By Your unfailing grace I pray, preserve us both, one for the other, for Your name's sake and for all the good You have set and prepared for us to accomplish together in You. Hear my words and bless this prayer, sweet Jesus. Amen. ❤


© K. Michelle Payne 2015


[about this blog]

Guarding our lips on considering the weight of our words..

Something I read earlier today has been going round and round my head until this spilled out... This is not directed at any one, but more in response to things in my past the Spirit has been using to teach me - wherein I have not recognized the weight of my own words - and also in response to some online posts over the past few months that truly grieved my heart... Posts from good hearted, well intentioned people spewing forth foul, belittling and hurtful words that I have no doubt they didn't realize the true heft of... The things we casually throw around verbally without a respect and regard for how much an impact our words really have.

We need to be aware the power in the tongue - both for good and bad.

I have concluded thus...

Just because we have the right to say whatever comes to mind

does not make it right for us to say whatever crosses our minds.

Each of us should carefully consider then the weight of our words before we give breath to them. Once spoken, we cannot take back even utterances made casually or in haste. And although many words can be forgiven, very few and far between can be entirely forgotten, particularly when harm has been done. We would be wise to heed good advice and spare ourselves the damage told by a brash storm of words uncensored before they pass our lips into this world. 

It is ever needful we recognize that not any one of us knows absolutely everything about most anything. This should be a foremost consideration whenever we set about to give voice to our thoughts, opinions and views... As well as when we enter into new acquaintances and relationships.

 

Not a one of us is God.

____

I honestly believe if we even realized the weight of our words to God, we might not be so careless with our mouths. If we realized how He felt when we said certain things, we might not speak so casually, nor be so quick to criticize or condemn. 

I pray God continue to deal with me on my mouth - I know He's given me the gift of expression, writing, music, and exhortation and teaching... A gift of language..  With that gift comes a lot of responsibility... I have not always recognized and respected this.

More and more I see just how much I need His help

when it comes to this area of my mouth and my words.

Lord, set a guard on my lips.

 Let me think and consider You

as I choose how to speak and respond in all situations. 

And grant me grace to know

and strength to keep quiet

when it is needful!!!!

___

The Bible has MUCH, MUCH to say on the subject of the tongue and its power...

Not the least of which is Proverbs 18:21 -

²¹ The tongue has the power of life and death,
    and those who love it will eat its fruit.

___

Yes, we would all do well to be more mindful of our words. 

© K. Michelle Payne 2015

[about this blog]

This is my soul's lament and praise...

It's moments like this where I find myself wishing it would just rain.

Just rain!

When the inward burden is so great, I yearn for an outward manifestation of my pain in hope for some sense of relief...

It frustrates me when it is this heavy. Frustrates me that I am not yet adept at just laying it down readily. I remain stymied at a sometimes seemingly constant need for a repeated turning over... wishing with all that I have I could finally lay this trouble of my heart, this mental anguish, all of it... down once and for all...

Oh, that I could just fall to the ground and lay prostrate before Him... To release this weight and not get back up until my spirit and soul has been released, entirely set free.

But then I might no longer be so closely tethered to the One whom my soul loves... If I were completely healed and never to wrestle with this torment again, I might forget my desperate need for Him in my every breath. And that... That would not be worth it.

And although hard for some to comprehend, because of these truths I give thanks even in the hardest places for this... This thorn in my flesh.

It will not always feel this way, this dark and gray... and for that I am grateful. And I am never, not ever alone in the midst of the languishing... And for that, I will never cease to offer praise.

____

Having written all this, I realize... this sums up what it means to me to a Christian living with bipolar disorder... Embracing while also wrestling with having been fearfully and wonderfully made...

Regarding my "thorn" - I feel much as Paul expressed in his letter to the Corinthians... I once longed for it to be removed, but I have now accepted and am even thankful for this burden I carry that keeps me undeniably tied to the One whom my soul loves. 

I know according to all human understanding that makes no logical sense... But logic has nothing to do with the ways of God.  I have come to know the truth of taking delight in my weaknesses... Even as they still cause pain within me.  I am humbly blessed God has created me by design for His greater purposes, and would not choose to be any other way if I could.  I have seen so many times over how God has used my struggles to minister through my life to the needs of others... And that in itself is a greater gift than any for which I could ever have hoped or dreamed.  

And because of the depth of my soul ache, I can all the more appreciate and celebrate the true joy that wells up from within me by the light and hope of my salvation... I also know and can testify to the power of the indisputable truth that it is God's grace - God's all sufficient grace - that sustains me... Not my own means or power in any way.

____

Scriptural Background:  2 Corinthians 12 (NIV)

Paul’s Vision and His Thorn

12 I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. ² I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. ³ And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— ⁴ was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell. ⁵ I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. ⁶ Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, ⁷ or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

© K. Michelle Payne 2015


[about this blog]

When you're paralyzed by the situation you're in...

John 5:6 (NIV) "When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, ‘Do you want to get well?’”

Are you focused on your fear, illness or problem... Your situation and its darkness.  Or on Your Redeemer, Deliverer, Healer, Savior - your Light...  

Redirect your heart & mind focus on Jesus - the One Who Saves - and let the Spirit lead you into ALL truth - by His scars you are healed - and the truth will set you free!  It is for freedom that we have been set free - freedom from fear, shame, guilt, sickness, anxiety, doubt, all of those things that can enslave - Jesus came to set ALL the captives free from the enemy & his strongholds.  He has already won the victory - fear not, He has overcome the world... Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world. 

Stop sitting on your ability to move out of the situation you're in... Step out into the victory that is ALREADY yours by the blood of Jesus Christ, Risen King, Lord and Savior, not just for all, but for you personally ❤️

You do not have to stay stuck where you are, no temptation (to stay in defeat) has overcome you except what is common to man and that which He has not already provided a way out for.  Confess your faith aloud - redirect your heart attention on Jesus, Jesus, Jesus... and rise up out of your ashes... Step out in bold and confident faith - hoping and expecting the Lord!  Press on and move forward into the victory He has secured for you ❤️

By choosing to focus on Jesus and His Light we can change how we experience the situations we are in...  Walking in victory even in the midst, His grace enables us to press on in faith to move through and out of the trials of life ❤️

"Stop sitting on your ability to come out of the situation you're in" is a favorite quote from my friend and fellow writer, Michelle Gillison Robinson.  You can find her blog at http://defygravitywithoutwings.com

© K. Michelle Payne 2015

[about this blog]

Called and sustained by grace

But by the grace of God I am what I am,

and His grace toward me was not in vain.

1 Corinthians 15:10

I am who God says I am & not what the devil whispers when I am low.  I am what the Truth in the Word calls me - more than a conqueror - able to do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  I am well able and fully equipped by the power of Almighty God himself living within me!

As I seek after Him and commit all of my way to Him, choosing consciously to lean on God as my foundation and bedrock, He will sustain and carry me, lead and guide me - and as I follow all His direction in humble and glad obedience with a willing and grateful, praise-filled heart, He will uphold me & make it so I shall not stumble or fall.  It is the combination of all these things, the walking in a life wholly surrendered, that enables me to live my very best life in Christ led by the Spirit as God always intended.  And by His grace I am well able ❤️ and only by His grace - not on my own strength or means could I ever live up to this high calling...

But I want to go to the TOP of the mountain!  I don't want to stop halfway & say I've had enough!  Let my hunger for You never go away, my appetite always be with me that I will have a seeker's heart to follow - the yearning to dig in and chase after, to pursue and do the work needful to come after You to the highest place where I can see You face to face. 

Sustain me, O God, to do the good work that my work may be rewarded with the gift of always being ever more aware of Your presence, being drawn infinitely closer day by day as I persist by Your grace at work in me that in this intimate love relationship I may know You, my God - that I may experience all of Your goodness and mercy here in the land of the living - that I may have the revelation of the fullest measure of Your love and joy that I can receive while still here on earth... So that I can then share Your light and love, Your truth and great grace with all whose hearts You have opened - that all would come to know You personally and rejoice before You with songs of gladness - that so many would be saved by receiving Your Son as their Savior, coming to accept the blood of Christ as atonement for their sins that they may stand before You clean and made whole - and that Your Kingdom may be advanced, one by one, until all come to know and worship You in Spirit and in Truth as the one true God of all the heavens and of earth here below.  

Let those of us who know You be so filled with the Spirit that we cannot contain Your love and light that we all might share with at least one the love and hope, the joy and peace of our Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ.  In His Name and for His sake, I lift this prayer.  Amen!  ❤️


© K. Michelle Payne 2015

[about this blog]

The Invitation

Cast your cares on the Lord

and He will sustain you; 

He will never let the righteous fall.

Psalm 55:22

I have a spirit of power, of sound mind, of discipline and of self-control 2 Timothy 1:7.  I am more than a conqueror Romans 8:37.  Jesus is the Vine & I am the branch grafted in - His very life courses through me John 15:4-5, making me well able to do all things through Him who strengthens me Phillipians 4:13.  I am fully equipped already for every good thing to which the Lord has & will call me and to carry out all of His commands and directives & instructions day by day as He feeds me because the Spirit of God dwells inside me now & all the days of my life while I am here on earth 1 Corinthians 3:16. 

It is an imperative that I get the vision on the inside of how able I am [by God's provision of the Spirit & Christ's blood in me] by His grace to do all things & know - really know - that anything in His will that I need to accomplish He can bring to pass if I will just do my part and believe & get in agreement with God that by Him & through Him, ALL things are possible in my life - spiritual and physical, mental and emotional healing, wellness and thriving - the fulfillment of the Great Commission, even in the lives of my family & friends - full restoration of relationships in my family - the changing of hearts that have been hardened against God, terrorists who have set themselves up as enemies of Christ & God's chosen people - and HOPE like none this world could ever offer because I will know and experience the TRUTH that ALL things are possible with God Matthew 19:26. 

Revival for this country ❤️ turning of hearts toward God & more and more coming to know and pursue real, meaningful & intimate love relationships with Jesus as He has always longed for ❤️ more and more people being filled with and following after the leadership and guidance of the Holy Spirit in their lives ❤️ people hearing and knowing the voice of God & great rejoicing and songs of praise lifted on high by generations that had been turned against God. 

Yes, I believe as we each choose to acknowledge that He is inviting every one of us to walk closer with Him, and then closer still - and as we accept each invitation and move forward into a deeper faith walk to be filled with the Spirit of God as He moves in our lives as we genuinely seek after Him wholeheartedly and in earnest, not holding back, letting our guard down and giving Him room to grow in us... This kind of revival is possible even in a world that seems so lost as today. 

But it starts with each one of us - will we say yes?  

He is calling - softly and gently, tenderly calling...

Will you accept His invitation to come a little closer today?

© K. Michelle Payne 2015

Yet I will rejoice in the LORD

Though the fig tree may not blossom,

Nor fruit be on the vines;

Though the labor of the olive may fail,

And the fields yield no food;

Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,

And there be no herd in the stalls—

18 

Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,

I will joy in the God of my salvation.

Habakkuk 3:17-18 NKJV

[regardless of what my situation says or what my circumstances are seeming in the natural, regardless of my thoughts and feelings and what they are telling me - I know my God is good and faithful and true and just - I know my God is LOVE and never fails me as I seek after Him with my whole heart] 

No matter what is going on inside or out - regardless of my internal or external condition, I am fully heart satisfied & find my true contentment in and glory in the undying devotion and endless affections of my Papa... and even in the midst, in the jubilant highs or the dark depths, yet my heart and soul are tuned to sing His praise always - and in all ways.  I choose to devote my tasks to Him - to honor Him by dedicating all of my life and daily workings, my coming & going to God, thereby keeping Him in His rightful authority position over every aspect of my life, great and small.   

And as my heart yearns for Him & drives my continual seeking His face and His presence, truly I will find my circumstances matter not as to whether my heart is of the condition to offer up praise because I am learning to be content, joyful and blissfully satisfied in His presence alone - I find His praise to be always welling up within me & ever on my lips... 

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace all the days of my life, Father God, because I know the Truth that no matter what I see and experience in this present world, You are always good - ever unchanging - entirely worthy of all my praise in every instance, in every moment for Your constant faithfulness.  You are I AM & I'm so humbly grateful that as such You are all I will ever need in any moment.  You are my everything <3

Let me always be hungry for, thirst and desire, yearn, strive and seek to be filled with more of You in all of my life - every part of me to be filled with Your light, love and grace.  Help me to walk boldly and confidently in Your favor that precedes and follows me everywhere, surrounding me like a shield because of Your great love for me & Your delight in me.  Help me to stay, dwell, abide and remain in an attitude of faith today - now and always, for all the days of my life.  May Your will ever be done here as it is in Heaven as I pour out my life before You.  And let me always say, "Yet I will rejoice and glory in the Lord - I will exalt His name above any other and exult in His presence - I will joy and revel in the God of my salvation!"   AMEN!!!


© K. Michelle Payne 2015

Just to clarify...

I know my posts might make it seem like I've got it all together & my struggles are a thing of the past, but let's be clear... I still wrestle with the depression & the emotional battles, but I know in Whom I Hope... and I have learned the value of going beyond what I feel in any given moment to lift songs of praise *even in the midst* because the Truth of the matter is that no matter what I'm feeling, no matter what my thoughts are telling me, I'm so blessed because He always is and always will be my Constant <3 and for that alone, He will ALWAYS be worthy of ALL my praise!!!!!!!!!

This is one of those days... and I know, He's still got me.  He hasn't gone anywhere & I will get through this by His beautiful amazing grace... and my faith will be stronger for having been delivered *through* this valley as all others... I know He will give me Beauty for Ashes!!!

Praise Him!!!  My Constant <3 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBUn-2Ifso0

Constant - by Francesca Battistelli 

© K. Michelle Payne 2015

The Lord's goodness here and now

What, what would have become of me had I not believed that I would see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living! Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.  Psalm 27:13-14

If we do not CHOOSE [it is an active, constant and continuous choosing] to live with an attitude of faith, we will be crushed by life's circumstances & pressed down upon by each of the devil's malingering whisperings.  There is so much power in this passage!  

It is all about how we wait - we must choose to boldly and confidently put all our hope and trust in God, knowing He has promised to be with us wherever we go - whatever situation, including the storms that sometimes rage inside our own minds.  He is always there.  We should never lose heart or grow weary because God Himself is the one who sustains us & carries us.  It is important to note that if we are trying to get by on our own power, we will tire quickly, and growing frustrated we will melt inside and wither in defeat. 

But the battle is the LORD's, we need only be still and stand firm in His Word - the Truth of His excellent promises - and we will see His deliverance *through* all of our storms... Yes, though I walk through the dark, sunless valley of the shadow of death, You are with me... THROUGH - not around.  Even as we go through life's trials, we can be sure God's goodness and mercy will prevail and give Him praise in the meantime.  And as we seek after Him with all our hearts, we are assured His loving-kindness will relentlessly pursue us all the days of our lives here, here and NOW, in the land of the living!  

So, yes, as the Word urges, we should wait - patiently and with glad and joyful hearts filled and sustained by the peace and joy of Christ... And hope - putting all our trust and faith in God, knowing He is love & will not fail or even disappoint us in any way because He is true, just and right in all He does... And expect - confidently expect our Redeemer, our Deliverer, our Awesome and Almighty Heavenly Father to honor His Word...

And He will strengthen our hearts within us as we go beyond what we feel, beyond what we see in the natural & what our circumstances are telling us, beyond what our thoughts are saying and CHOOSE to cling to, stand on and hold fast to all the beautiful and blessed promises we have in God's Word.  

And by this *even in the midst* we will have the GRACE to declare with Job, "You have granted me life and favor." (Job 10:12)  We will know without any doubt that God will be good to us out of His great and unfailing love for us *as* we humbly submit to and seek after Him with all our hearts, minds, bodies and souls - turning all of our lives over in complete surrender to His ultimate authority, living in obedience to His Word and His commands in our day to day lives.



© K. Michelle Payne 2015

The favor of God follows us because HE IS LOVE

But while Joseph was in prison, the Lord was with him; He showed him kindness and granted him favor in the eyes of the warden.  Genesis 39:20-21

Even when our circumstances look bleak by human standards, God is always with us - He never deserts us or leaves us stranded - and as we delight in Him & content ourselves in His abiding presence, we will dwell in full heart and soul satisfaction & His favor will follow us in all situations, even those where most might assume all hope is lost.  We can still be joyful & remain filled with hope because of the faithful love of God that never abandons us.  We can be patient in affliction and bear up under all kinds of suffering knowing that though we suffer but for a little while, our God is a mighty redeemer who is great to save and deliver us through all manners of trials for His name's sake.  All that our lives would be a testimony to the power of His saving grace and the glory of His merciful favor poured out on us so freely out of His great and matchless, amazing, everlasting, steadfast and always enduring love for us that never flickers, never wavers, is always true not because of anything we have done to earn it or any good we bring to the table but because HE IS LOVE.  

All because of who He is in His very nature He longs to care for us & uphold us by His right hand because He is our Papa & we are His precious, beloved children whom He adores & takes great delight in. So we can TRUST Him to be kind and faithful to us in all things as we seek His face and His presence manifested in our lives & know full well we will find Him as we seek & we will meet God in new and fresh ways, revealed to us day after day as He pursues us and we follow after Him in this beautiful intimate love relationship... 

This relationship I have come to cherish personally, to relish as a treasure like no other this world could ever offer me.  He is my all in all - the great I Am answers all my needs & truly satisfies the desires of my heart, mind and soul - He is my very breath & it is His Spirit in me that gives me life and song for each new day.  I am so blessed - blessed to be alive today & blessed to be aware of the inner workings of my God, my Creator - my Jesus, Lover of my soul, the Author, Perfecter and Finisher of my faith - and to have with me at all times the precious gift of the Spirit as my Constant Companion & ever present Helper. 

Yes, Lord, yes - I am blessed most abundantly & I walk in the favor of the Most High God, my Papa! ❤️ All praise to Him - it is all for His glory & honor, for His kingdom that I serve, live and breathe!  In Jesus' name, Amen!



© K. Michelle Payne 2015

working through doubts - an excerpt from my prayer journal

I know with yesterday's post, I promised I would share with you everything God has shown me about utilizing praise and worship to displace mental anguish & I most certainly will honor that!  But I just had the most beautiful time in prayer & feel pressed upon to share that experience with you.

I posted a photo not long ago that I would feel confident saying that every Christian has had their fair share of doubts and frustrations:

It was shared as part of my effort to remind us all that God is, indeed, big enough for our questions and struggles.  This excerpt from my prayer journal is just one instance of my working through doubts with Jesus, including His response to me... And oh, how precious it always is to be reassured by the Lord Himself.  

2/3/15

Jesus, why is it that even when I know how good and lovely and wonderful it is to meet with you... even when I know and You have just told me yourself (in last night's quiet time) how very needful it is to run after You, to constantly seek Your Presence and to be fed by Your very hand - why am I still hesitant to come sit before You... 

Why, even though You have never failed to meet me, to speak to my heart and minister to my soul personally, is there still this lingering reservation within holding me back because I'm scared that I might not hear from you *this time*  - that I might come seeking today & not find You... and I don't want to risk that heartbreak, that disappointment... so I put off coming to look for You or when I do pray to You, I rush through it & neglect to leave space and quiet, those so important pauses to hear back from You...

Why, with all the promises I've read in the Word of God, Your Word, that I can never be separated from You, that I am Yours forever, that I can never lose You - why am I so scared to come to You honest and open with quiet time to listen for fear that suddenly You'll stop showing up - that after all this good that You've shown me & told me, all You've shared with me & promised to continue to lead me into... why am I afraid that now You would fail me - that You would remove Yourself from me or withdraw from our time together, that You would hide Yourself from me or make Yourself unavailable?

[Why would I ever doubt You?]

Certainly, I have no reason to - I love You & I believe You love me with a steadfast & unfailing love.  Am I expecting in our relationship a turn of events like I've always experienced in relationships here on earth - that no good thing ever lasts and no love is genuinely unfailing and true? 

As Valentine's Day draws near again, would You show me & remind me that You love me with a Love like nothing I've ever experienced here on earth... Would You help me to understand way deep down in my soul that You will never disappoint me or fail me in any way as my True & Forever Love? 

Jesus, be my Always - show me with each day that passes that I can put all my hope and trust in You.  Help me in my doubts by healing the still broken places in my heart where I've been hurt by disappointments in relationships in this world & remind me that You are the Lover of my Soul who is ever true & worthy of my faithful devotion.  

Help me when I am tempted to be afraid that I might somehow lose You or seek and not find You by using the Spirit within me to remind me of Your Promises.  Write Your Word on my heart to be always with me, part of me - close at hand in times of wavering and doubt.  Use the music I listen to that echoes the truths of Your grace, mercy, light and love to ever remind me not just of who You are, but also of who I am to You.  Help me to know that I am Your beloved - precious, cherished & adored - and because of Your great love for me, because You are Love, You could never fail me. 

Forgive me for my doubt and fear, and Praise You for guiding me to the Truth in prayer.  I love You & bless You for all that You are to me.  Remind me when I forget or lose sight of the Truth, the blessed promise that I am spoken for.

In Your Precious Name always, 

Amen <3 

___________________________

Lord, Lord, I pray You would come now in this quiet hour where my heart is made open & speak Your sweet words to me...

___________________________

Be still - do not try to fill up the quiet, empty space with your own thoughts.  Leave space here within your heart for Me, Michelle.  Be quiet & calm before Me.  Rest assured, I am not angry or upset by your confession of your douts.  I am pleased that you were open and honest with me.  Instead of avoiding the quiet out of your fear, you came to Me & we dealt with it and worked through it in prayer.  This is what prayer is for.  You are not meant to keep your struggles within you to try to reason them out on your own.  You are not meant to go first to your friends to talk it through to come to a solution and understanding of things.  

Now do you understand when I say I want your first firsts - it is about so much more than just your first waking moments...  I want to be the One you run to - I want it to be My Name you call on as your instinct.  I know it's not your normal pattern now & it will take time to develop the habit - and as with all new things I have brought to you, at first it may seem strange, unfamiliar or uncomfortable - but trust Me.  I know that you trust Me - even in the midst of your doubts & fears you wrestled because you knew that it conflicted with the basic underlying truth of you that you have come to TRUST Me - even when you don't understand.  As you wrote in your blog (yesterday) - you know that I am not a liar, not one to mislead - and you know I love you & am for you & with you even when you don't readily feel it or see it. 

Do you realize how big that is?  That is huge, Michelle!  That is faith!  You are growing - you are becoming.  You may have begun your prayer today frustrated with your hesitation to come to me because you "feel" like you ought to be past that - further along than that - but I am here to tell you that you are - you are because you came to Me with it.  Because you didn't avoid or put off praying or skip over the quiet time...

You are & always will be progress - until the day I bring you home with Me - you are progress.  Rejoice in that, Michelle!  What you did today in coming to me to work through that doubt and frustration, and how much growth will happen because of today is so good - just so good!  Be glad!  Be happy!  I am making you - I am building you up - glory to glory, you are becoming!  

Keep at it!  Keep seeking and you will find.  I will show myself to you in new & marvelous ways, and I will help you see yourself as I see you.  I am leading you into a brilliant future for My Kingdom.  Keep cleaning yourself out - poured out in front of Me - wholly surrendered, make yourself available to Me & see what I will do in and through you.  

Yes, Michelle - I am well pleased - do the work - I will help you... All the little things... I am ordering your steps.  Be diligent and faithful & do the work - I am making you fully able.  I love you & I have you - always.

Jesus <3

______________________

I got good words today from Jesus - good words from my Lord.

There's nothing better!  Soul food!!!!

__________________

My hope is that from this post you will be encouraged to know that everyone struggles in their faith walk - and that's totally normal & very much okay.  God doesn't get angry or upset with us for having questions - He made us & He knows we're entirely human and that it's all part of the process.  The important thing is that we go to Him for help with our doubts, frustrations and questions rather than running from them or trying to reason them out all on our own.  God is more than able to handle our issues - whatever they may be.  Please don't be afraid to be open and honest with God - He can handle it.  

For today's music selection,

I want to share my love song to God

because He is my Forever & Always:

Forever Love

Francesca Battistelli

© K. Michelle Payne 2015

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