Titus 2:1, 7
But as for you, promote the kind of living that reflects
right teaching.
Let everything you do (say and think) reflect the integrity
of your teaching.
Ephesians 5:1-2, 8-13, 15, 17
Follow God’s example in everything you do, because you are
his dear children.
Live a life filled with love for others, following the
example of Christ…
For though your hearts were once full of darkness,
now you are full of light from the Lord, and your behavior should show
it!
For this light within you produces only what is good and
right and true.
Try to find out what is pleasing to the Lord.
Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness;
instead rebuke and expose them.
When the light shines on them it becomes clear how evil these
things are.
So be careful how you live, not as fools but as those who are
wise…
Don’t act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what the Lord
wants you to do…
let the Holy Spirit fill and control you.
Psalm
139: 23-24
23Search
me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm
51:10
10 Create
in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
_________________
In prayer this morning, I asked Jesus to let me know again if
there was anything at all within me that I was holding onto – anything keeping
me from being my best for Him. Anything
that might be hindering me from doing all the good He has prepared and called
me to. I prayed my Lord would use the
Spirit within me to bring any lurking offenses to the front of my mind and show
me so that I could push them out and surrender again wholly to Him to be used
as He would for this ministry He’s growing in my life. I pray this way every so often because I
know, I know that there are always going to be things in my heart and mind that
need to be dealt with, that need to be purged in order to be fully surrendered
in my walk. That the surrendering or
giving over of my life is not a once and for all sort of matter, but a
continual process of recommitting and constant letting go, pushing aside all
else and choosing intently to run toward God. I asked God to help me be very cautious about
what I allowed into my mind, what I listened to and entertained, what sorts of
activities I indulged in, and also that He would help me be very vigilant about
guarding my thought life so that nothing could come between Him and I and all
this great work He is doing.
I continued about my day, doing laundry and dishes, praying
all the while – having learned I could still be Mary and get housework done by intently focusing my mind on and
drawing God into the situation (regardless of what task was at hand), thereby
choosing to seek Him in all that I do. I
realized as I was praying that I was very much being led by the Spirit (which
is the usual way of things lately since I’ve begun walking so closely and
spending so much dedicated time pursuing God), but that truths were being
revealed to me that were certainly not coming from my own human ability to
reason and understand. I thanked Jesus
for this gift of wisdom and for answering a prayer from a week or more ago that
He would lead me into a more conversational form of prayer – so that it wouldn’t
be so much of me praying, praying, praying… and then sitting still to hear from
Him. (Although, that is very well and good, I very much wanted to develop
our rapport and expand upon various means of communicating with each other.)
I began reading in the Bible as led by the Spirit and was
convicted of something I’d said a couple days ago while visiting with my
friend. I’d made a couple disparaging
comments about my lament of an observed overall tendency of most folks to
wander around in blissful ignorance – although I did not express it quite that
gracefully. I was also convicted in those quiet moments of
reflection of previous conversations that God had brought to my attention
before – conversations with other friends that I knew in the moment were less
than pleasing to Him, but still had enjoyed quite thoroughly. I knew for a while that God was trying to
deal with me out of love on this subject, but I wasn’t really sure how to
change or address what has long been a perfectly acceptable subject of
conversation between us. So every time I talked to this one friend in
particular, this same subject matter kept coming up & each time I’d get off
the phone, I’d feel the same twinge of conviction in my heart that I’d let God
down AGAIN. And wasn’t I going to do
something about that? Wasn’t I going to
acknowledge that God didn’t care too much for what really boiled down to my
engaging in conversations that amounted to making fun of His dearly beloved
children.
UGHHHHHHHHH.
It is really hard for me to put that out there, to confess to
you my faults. Thus far, I’m sure it’s
appeared from the contents of this blog I have this great faith gifted of God
and probably don’t wrestle with stuff like this. Nope.
I’m still human – I’m totally flawed.
There, I said it. Yes, I do have
an amazing relationship with God, one for which I’m incredibly thankful – one I
long to share with you…. And there’s still more to be taught here in this
message, but let’s just be clear, ok?
The one writing this is totally 100% fallible and imperfect, just as we
all are. I am, just as Jesus said
Himself, a work in progress; I always will be.
The messages, though, are from God.
So, yep, you can believe I’m still gonna make mistakes. And you can trust I’ll be honest with you
about them when I do. But I’ll also tell
you how God’s dealt with me and taught me from them because this is what He
does; THIS is how He refines us and makes us more and more into His likeness as
we draw near to Him.
Back to
the praying part…
Spending quiet time thinking, Jesus begins to help me to
understand more now why this is such a big deal – why these conversations
bother Him so much. It should be well
and good enough that He says, “Michelle, this is not pleasing to me, don’t
engage in this anymore…” – that should be enough. But He knows I’m stubborn, so out of His
great loving kindness a lot of the time He explains stuff to me in a way that I’ll
“get it” so I can do the work of digging in and letting go of whatever bad
behavior or habit that needs to be gotten rid of. He brought back to my mind as I was sitting
there in reflection how much it hurt when I overheard those folks at Home Depot
making fun of me. How much it stung to
my very innermost core. And then (and
this is entirely God revealed) I realized that when I’d made those harsh
disparaging remarks about ignorant people, I was speaking of God’s dearly beloved
children.
And even though those people
couldn’t hear me – God could.
And even
though they weren’t hurt – God was.
Every time I said something awful about another person, it
stung God’s heart just like what I had felt standing in the middle of Home
Depot. When I had those conversations
and laughed uproariously at my friend’s impersonation of folks that drove us a
little nutty, it cut to Jesus’ innermost being because those are His beloved
and cherished people. Sure, I justified
within myself that it was ok because they couldn’t hear it so no one got hurt,
right? Oh, no… Jesus, my LOVE… He heard
every single word. Every awful comment
broke His heart because they’re not just His people – they are His body… we are
all His body – the Body of Christ. I
tried to wrap my brain around the truth that every time I said something
terrible or laughed at some joke someone else made, it hurt HIM. Oh, wow.
Yeah, when I realized that… then I got it. Then I understood.
Then I acknowledge with Jesus where we are. Something HAS to change – I can’t very well
have those conversations anymore knowing all THIS. I asked Him point blank how I’m supposed to
change the nature of our accepted subject matter for our conversations because
of the work He’s doing in me (the changes He’s making) without coming across as
self-righteous and indignant. Then, and
this is GOOD… and that’s how I know it was from the Spirit and not my own idea…
I asked Jesus to give me a bigger heart of compassion because that would take
care of the whole problem. I would be
able to respond out of love and compassion rather than judgment or rebuke. And it would make clear (without condemning my
friend) that those sorts of comments are not something I’m interested in joking
about anymore. And maybe it would come
up in conversation a few more times, but eventually they’d get the idea that I’m
not the person to talk to about this kind of thing anymore… And hopefully at
some point, Jesus can have this conversation with them, or open a door for me
to share from a place of love what’s changed in my life as far as why I’m not
laughing anymore.
_____________________
My specific words to Jesus I will share in case you might
have the same struggle… so that you can walk with me in this changing…
Create in me a clean heart, O God – give me a bigger heart of
compassion, full of love like Yours for Your people so that I am constantly
refined and transformed from within, conformed heart and mind to the likeness
of Christ that I would see and think of others always as You do – and consider
all that I think and say of them as how it would affect Your heart to hear and
feel.
Remake me in Your image – transformed bit by bit, changed
from glory to glory – help me to forget the old Michelle and press forward to
the new that You are making in me that with each day, each lesson You teach me,
I would die more to self and that You would live in me.
Less of me, less of my human nature and the evil natural self
and its tendencies and more of Your light and love until I am but a reflection
of You, Lord. Yes, I am blessed to be
corrected and restored – to be made right with You and taught from my mistakes –
to live and grow, moving ever forward on this journey with You, being drawn
nearer to You.
Praise You for helping me to be quiet enough to hear You in
my heart – for blessing me with discernment that I can recognize Your Voice and
when the Spirit is leading me – Glory to You for making me humble enough to
know no matter how close You draw me near, I will always be flawed this side of
Heaven & always be needful of Your Grace.
Praise You that You have invited me into this beautiful
relationship with You and for instilling in me the desire to respond to the
invitation. Praise You for pursuing me
all the days of my life, that Your Love never fails, never gives up, never runs
out on me.
I adore You for being who You are in my life and for giving
me understanding of who I am to You – for showing me that my identity is based
on Your Great Unfailing Love for me alone.
Not on anything I’ve done or haven’t done, not on anything that’s ever been
spoken to or over me, not on anything that has or ever will happen to me, not
on what anyone else thinks or judges of me…
My meaning is solely defined in that I am Your beloved
masterpiece with whom You are well pleased.
That You approve of me and adore, cherish and treasure me as precious –
You always have and You always will – and the great and brilliantly beautiful,
most wondrous PROMISE that NOTHING
can EVER separate me from Your Love.
Praise Father God, Jesus, my Savior, Lover of my Soul, and
Precious Spirit that abides within me every moment I have breath. And oh, the great wonder that even in the
midst of this exultant ecstasy as I write today, still my joy is yet to be made
full and complete – that even as You promise to show and lead me into new and
glorious mercies with each day, no matter how good it gets, the amazing PROMISE
that always the best is yet to come!
That even as much as You give me here on earth, my true treasure and the
full measure of joy and understanding of Your Love is still awaiting me on that
blessed day You bring me Home.
But for now, we have work to do. And I am so overjoyed You have called me to
help You as part of Your plan. Please
bless this message and anyone who reads it that they might come to know You
more.
For
Your Glory, Your Honor,
Your
Name and Your Kingdom!
Now and
Forever!
Amen!
<3
__________________
If you need to come to God and ask Him to search your heart
to see if there is any behavior or manner of thinking
within you that is offensive to Him
or that might be in some way keeping you from His very best,
I encourage you to pray and listen to
by Audio Adrenaline
and allow God to move in your heart.
_____________
Thank you for joining me today.
I pray this message has blessed you in some way,
even if just to encourage you and remind you
we are ALL works in progress,
ALL needful of His Redeeming Grace...
And none of that lessens His Great and Amazing Love for us.
______________
Until next time...
Be Blessed! <3
© K. Michelle Payne 2015
